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Moody

I always get in these moods – these creative, spontaneous, melancholy, mad-at-the-world, mad-at-my-body, I-love-my-body kind of moods. Conveniently seasonal, these temporary states of mind really persuade me that this is it — this is my personality now, I embody [insert disposition here].

I can say that this emotional indecisiveness is frustrating, not having a grip of who I am in that moment; but I’ve come to the realization that as easily as moods can change, so can the way we see ourselves — more prominently in those “mad-at-the-world, mad-at-my-body” moments.

The mad-at-my-body, mad-at-the-world kind of moods are the most inconvenient: being too self-conscious, too analytical or not enough of either when you are on your “best behavior,” that behavior of being forcibly aware of what I am consuming or which part of the body I am exercising at that time and DON’T mess up or we will be right back at square one.

Then the reality of this mental tug-of-war hits, the “mad-at-the-world” kind of reality where I am SO pissed that I even have to HAVE this discussion of healthy body-image with myself because SOCIETY is simply UNINHABITABLE under these circumstances; and don’t even get me STARTED on social media standards.

…exhausted yet? Don’t worry, these mood swings frequently occur more than once in a day.

Beyond these stress-induced episodes comes some positive implication that things are great and I am as creative and at peace with myself as ever! Those moods where you post on Instagram a bit extra than usual, or when you boycott social media all together because well, you’re edgy like that now.

Those moods when you read books because you respect literature as an art form and only succumb to stress while in an incense-smoked room; and you may have treated yourself to an extra trip to World Market this month for serenity in the “Italian Soaps” isle.

To me, this is the best seasonal state-of-mind to be in: its typically winter, you only use moisturizers that the LUSH counter girl told you was appropriate for your combination skin; and more beneficially, you care about your skin this month. Life can be calm and less congested when you surround it with lavender and chamomile!

Similar to your oils, the creative moods that are manifested in candle-lit rooms are essential to the next mood shift, the next temporary state of self that you will challenge your body and mind to uphold; but the candle-lit rooms sometimes burn out and leave these creative, spontaneous, melancholy, mad-at-the-world, mad-at-my-body, I-love-my-body kind of stenches behind.

How am I feeling right now, you ask?

All of the above, indecisively.

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adulting, advice, envy, help, lifestyle, local, social media

Making the Most Out of Losing Touch

As long as it is not with yourself, we’re good.

Everyone experiences a falling-out within relationships at some point in time. With friends, boyfriends, girlfriends — even family. Though some relationships are worth salvaging through turbulence, where do we draw the line when these occurrences are too often: to when we start to lose touch within ourselves?

Too frequently, we can overanalyze ourselves whilst in the crossfire of negativity being thrown at us from other people. It is so often, unfortunately, that it changes the entire perspective of an argument and unexpectedly forces us to go through stages of reassessment of other people; and also thrusts us into an epiphany of newfound self-discovery. Though mental and emotional turmoil can feel seemingly unfair and unprecedented when concocted through a once strong relationship, it’s time to embrace the unexpected and start expecting more of others.

Understand early-on if this person is for you or against you. 

But how? Most times when we skin our knees whilst jumping the hurdles staged in paths of relationships, we think about the pain and fall — not the recovery. In time, issues that result in ‘losing touch’ with someone can help us reflect on attitude and behavior from others that the relationship may have led us to be blinded by before. Unfortunately, we don’t care about all this “revelation” crap until it happens. If only we knew when someone was going to let us down, right?

The question still lingers: what makes a person toxic? And more importantly, at what point do we stop blaming ourselves for other people’s shitty behavior and start shedding off the dead, toxic weight that they helped us gain? The scale never lies.*

*(In this sense, at least. Ask me after the months of October-January 1st and I may have to dispute it).

Behavior. 

This is a big one. Do you have that one friend person out of the group that always needs to point out the negativities? The kind of person that strips the surface joy just to dig a little deeper for a good jab? Possibly does it to get a laugh out of others at your expense? Yeah. I know the kind. This was my first experience with immature behavior from ‘friends’. 

Language.

This same person is probably pretending to be your biggest fan. Empty compliments, vague occasional comments on social media pictures and the all-too-familiar “ew, stop!” that they shout when you dare to show the slightest ounce of personality around…certain people. Accompanied by an eye-roll. Which leads me to my final observation of:

Insecurity.

“Arrogance is a hollow confidence”

Michael J. FormicaEgo, Insecurity, and the Destructive Narcissist

We all have egos; but we can choose what we invest in for reaction. This rational truth’s next-door neighbor is Envy; and it is always peering through the front window, waiting to greet you with tainted baked goods amidst us all being human and conversing with the ‘could-be’s’ and ‘what-if’s’. Still, we need to realize that emotional intelligence and sophistication is not carried by condescending and disparaging people.  

All-in-all, recognizing trivial behavior from the get-go of a new relationship (or amidst a revelation of a current one) can be helpful in rationalizing with a toxic person’s behavior; but not necessarily with them. Though one may have good intentions, where do we begin to differentiate an altruistic act versus an egocentric one? 

When we don’t set healthy boundaries, our self-esteem begins to ebb; but here is our hand: should we sacrifice our own well-being and emotional intelligence in the wake of someone’s arrogance? Or, should we teach ourselves to understand the behaviors and verbal vacancies that interactions with these baneful individuals portray? 

Sound like a lot? I may be examining this too closely, but everyone experiences a falling-out within relationships at some point in time. With friends, boyfriends, girlfriends — even family. Though some relationships are worth salvaging through turbulence, where do we draw the line when these occurrences are too often: to when we start to lose touch within ourselves?

Make the most out of losing touch; you may learn something about yourself through someone else’s insolence. 

What are some things you have learned when dealing with toxic individuals?

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*Cover-art photography provided by Travon Schake, @vibeswithkingt via Instagram.

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advice, social media, technology

Why I Stopped Caring for Likes and Why You Should, Too

Social media is a cutthroat game. The irony? No one is even social.

When I first downloaded Instagram — circa, 2012? Maybe? It was simply a place where you shared a photo, you knew everyone on your follower list and there wasn’t such a thing as “stories.”

Yes, I’m taking it way back:

No stories

No business tools

No influencers

Maybe the occasional foodie. And, even that phenomenon fizzled quick.*

What happened to trends remaining trends, and only hopping on your feed maybe, er…once every week or so? We were a more disciplined audience, then. When Instagram and Snapchat started simultaneously gaining traction after Facebook — the Myspace successor — lost its young audience and it’s Ancestry-adjacent, here’s-someone-from-your-high school-that-you-never-wanted-to-hear-from-again adult audience moseyed in, major changes rolled out, and the “hashtag” became a universal tool.

Don’t get me wrong — I have my own social media accounts, but, almost involuntarily. Does anyone else feel like they’re missing out on life without it? The irony is almost too sad. Though I have these accounts, my involvement and perception of them has definitely changed course over the past years — and after educating yourself, yours should too.

Pressure. Forced expression. Disappointment. Frustration. Self-loathing.

This is taking a picture for my feed (consensus taken based off myself), and in that order.

Then, when you taken the dreaded “eh…this could work” kind of photo — the over-analyzation overwhelms any kind of positive thoughts you had on this one mediocre snap. *logs off*

It was specifically this tennis match of a game that social media made me play and had me call the referee for a timeout; but will you reach your Break Point?

 

What are some experiences that made you leave — or limit — your social media use?

 

And if you haven’t logged off yet: do you think you could live without it?

 

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*no it hasn’t

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Arizona, local, social media, technology

Learning To Exist

I am a very routine person.

Waking up, going to work and coming home is a cycle I try to maintain. In the minuscule pockets of space I have between these things, I try to s q u e e z e in some of my hobbies and favorite indulgences.

But that is exactly my problem.

I have always taken pride in making lists, setting alarms or attending appointments, because that is what an adult does, right? It makes me feel mature, somewhat accomplished to have my own “schedule” and ultimately satisfy my personal need to keep doing something. 

In the job I have, a regular morning is waking up at 4 A.M., surrounding myself with people and caffeine until about noon, and continuing my day at home or just with myself. I work in very unique part of Phoenix, a large community with different shops, artists and entertainment that I have put in my mental notes as Eventual. I am just now realizing that I l i v e in the center of this everyday art, and my experiences rely on my physical drive to go out and do.

Am I the only one that feels this way?

I keep telling myself to set goals to my different niches and I really need to take my own advice. Getting up more and pausing Real Housewives of New York has to be step one.

I have to start screaming internally to myself to be present more. See more. Do more. Be more. I am only now discovering that I am surrounded by the things I mark as “To Do,” and so is everyone else. Teaching ourselves to live a bit more mentally freelance allows us all to live in a creative way, while utilizing what our communities have to offer us.

It is almost obnoxious the amount of detail and creativity around me everyday.

Here are a few times I opened my eyes and captured this summer in a thought to just exist: 

Downtown Phoenix at Hotel San Carlos Instagram: @tonibork
Vintage thrift store Retro Ranch in Phoenix, Arizona; Instagram @tonibork
Strawberry, Arizona; Instagram @tonibork

How do you fit little adventures into your everyday routines?

One thing I did first was assess my wasted time. See what I did here.

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