adulting, advice, blog, help, journal, pleasing others, short story

Me, Myself and I

It may take two to tango; but making it to where I want to only requires three things:

Me, Myself and I

I’ve been told that making a blog would be difficult, time consuming and most likely won’t be successful because everyone is doing it.

Now, those first two doubtful remarks came to be true, I must admit; but I have already taken the first step necessary to dismantling the third: proving it wrong by ignoring it.

Sure, negativity and disbelief from those that you once thought were supportive of you and wouldn’t dare to speak illy of your attempt at doing something different can be a bit discouraging. However, the biggest hurdle I’ll ever have to jump over in achieving a goal that was deemed unachievable was choosing to ignore that opinion; and although I haven’t been met with overwhelming support since doing that, I’ve already made a stride in investing in myself by picking and choosing what will and will not influence my mindset.

Listen, I’m not a therapist, nor am I a life coach and I am definitely not the recommended chick to be the first to tell you when you’re supposed to be making choices. However, I am an individual — just like you — that has a list of goals to achieve, and some Negative Nancy’s behind me trying to throw me off. We’re always told to “ignore the haters”; and although I’m sure that saying has been made into 10,000 t-shirts and posters and are all sold exclusively at Claire’s — I say don’t ignore it. Instead, make it your fuel.

I’ve made a few mistakes in letting people decide things for me. I don’t mean just literal decision making; but emotional, mental and eventually physical — that is, i f you’ve let them engulf you that much already. At times, I’ve gotten so obsessed with what someone else’s opinion of me meant, so influenced by their lack of support or attention to what I was trying to achieve here, that I already became disengaged with the latter.

I concocted this image in my head that if this person doesn’t like me, I’m not going to like me. This subconscious self-loathing digs so deep and strikes your emotional cords so roughly, that this obsession of mine had now made me focus more on someone else‘s thought of me, rather my attention to the goals I was so pissed about them not supporting. This was their goal. Once you realize this game — this tug-of-war between loving yourself and your ideas, against one person who’s support was never yours to begin with — you can start to analyze their invalidations as their insecurities; and begin to dissolve yours.

There’s no greater feeling than proving someone wrong. The second greatest feeling is turning that narcissism into empathy for the individual that just wasted your time by consuming all of your energy — because you know you have the creative hand that they cannot even high-five themselves with.

We can start to feel sorry for them, maybe even regretful that they didn’t see your ideas fully or spark something in them to change their mind or involvement in your projects sooner; but instead we should feel empowered by their lack of belief in you or your goals — remember, the fuel? You’ve proven yourself capable of bulldozing the wall of insecurity they’ve subconsciously built for you; but know it was concreted with theirs.

I may make this blog about random anecdotes, my trips to New York and other inspirations that I find best translated in this format; but this is my format; and although I may not reach every audience, conquer every platform and satisfy every person, I know at least three people reading will be:

Me, Myself and I

…and you know, they always say that three’s a crowd.

adulting, advice, envy, help, lifestyle, local, social media

Making the Most Out of Losing Touch

As long as it is not with yourself, we’re good.

Everyone experiences a falling-out within relationships at some point in time. With friends, boyfriends, girlfriends — even family. Though some relationships are worth salvaging through turbulence, where do we draw the line when these occurrences are too often: to when we start to lose touch within ourselves?

Too frequently, we can overanalyze ourselves whilst in the crossfire of negativity being thrown at us from other people. It is so often, unfortunately, that it changes the entire perspective of an argument and unexpectedly forces us to go through stages of reassessment of other people; and also thrusts us into an epiphany of newfound self-discovery. Though mental and emotional turmoil can feel seemingly unfair and unprecedented when concocted through a once strong relationship, it’s time to embrace the unexpected and start expecting more of others.

Understand early-on if this person is for you or against you. 

But how? Most times when we skin our knees whilst jumping the hurdles staged in paths of relationships, we think about the pain and fall — not the recovery. In time, issues that result in ‘losing touch’ with someone can help us reflect on attitude and behavior from others that the relationship may have led us to be blinded by before. Unfortunately, we don’t care about all this “revelation” crap until it happens. If only we knew when someone was going to let us down, right?

The question still lingers: what makes a person toxic? And more importantly, at what point do we stop blaming ourselves for other people’s shitty behavior and start shedding off the dead, toxic weight that they helped us gain? The scale never lies.*

*(In this sense, at least. Ask me after the months of October-January 1st and I may have to dispute it).


This is a big one. Do you have that one friend person out of the group that always needs to point out the negativities? The kind of person that strips the surface joy just to dig a little deeper for a good jab? Possibly does it to get a laugh out of others at your expense? Yeah. I know the kind. This was my first experience with immature behavior from ‘friends’. 


This same person is probably pretending to be your biggest fan. Empty compliments, vague occasional comments on social media pictures and the all-too-familiar “ew, stop!” that they shout when you dare to show the slightest ounce of personality around…certain people. Accompanied by an eye-roll. Which leads me to my final observation of:


“Arrogance is a hollow confidence”

Michael J. FormicaEgo, Insecurity, and the Destructive Narcissist

We all have egos; but we can choose what we invest in for reaction. This rational truth’s next-door neighbor is Envy; and it is always peering through the front window, waiting to greet you with tainted baked goods amidst us all being human and conversing with the ‘could-be’s’ and ‘what-if’s’. Still, we need to realize that emotional intelligence and sophistication is not carried by condescending and disparaging people.  

All-in-all, recognizing trivial behavior from the get-go of a new relationship (or amidst a revelation of a current one) can be helpful in rationalizing with a toxic person’s behavior; but not necessarily with them. Though one may have good intentions, where do we begin to differentiate an altruistic act versus an egocentric one? 

When we don’t set healthy boundaries, our self-esteem begins to ebb; but here is our hand: should we sacrifice our own well-being and emotional intelligence in the wake of someone’s arrogance? Or, should we teach ourselves to understand the behaviors and verbal vacancies that interactions with these baneful individuals portray? 

Sound like a lot? I may be examining this too closely, but everyone experiences a falling-out within relationships at some point in time. With friends, boyfriends, girlfriends — even family. Though some relationships are worth salvaging through turbulence, where do we draw the line when these occurrences are too often: to when we start to lose touch within ourselves?

Make the most out of losing touch; you may learn something about yourself through someone else’s insolence. 

What are some things you have learned when dealing with toxic individuals?

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*Cover-art photography provided by Travon Schake, @vibeswithkingt via Instagram.

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Becoming a Morning Person

“Sleeping-in” never meant less.

Setting your alarm back before the sun rises is an e x h a u s t i n g idea, but very worth the result. Due partly to my job in coffee, I always have had to wake up at a time that the rest of the world (it seems) wouldn’t dare to. But, now thankful for this schedule and the extra time it has rewarded me, I think you should try this out.

What if I told you that waking up before 6 A.M. and going to bed earlier would allow you to:

  • get more done

  • get more sleep

  • feel more awake

and, the real kicker,

  • skip morning traffic.

This is not a drill. 

Understanding that not everyone works as a barista from 5 A.M. until only noon everyday, there are some tricks to maintaining this schedule. For me, I started going to bed early. That’s step one.

Go to bed earlier.

And I’m not saying you need to have dinner at 3 P.M. to get to bed at six. I used to be a night owl, mainly due to my previous obsession with a late-night Tumblr scroll. Side note: the Internet is a dark, dark place after midnight.

Another thing that helped me wiggle into this new routine was managing what and when I eat. This is a great tip overall, for any lifestyle change, but food really triggers me at night time, especially the s w e e t s. I try not to indulge in anything heavy beyond 6 P.M., and this has helped me achieve a more thorough, uninterrupted sleep. Putting yourself to bed earlier can put the 2 A.M. bathroom breaks, stomach-turning or cravings to sleep, too.

Give yourself a reason to get up this early.

Or else, you’re just a loon sitting up in your bed at 5 A.M. in the dark.

Setting a goal to get to the gym before the crowds, shower before the others in the house or to avoid morning traffic will push you to get up sooner.

For me, the sole thought of sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic for [what feels like] hours on-end is excruciating enough. Wake up early, save your patience!

Maybe you should sit this one out.

Not everyone is a morning person. There are reasons for this! If waking up before anyone can even form their first thought for the day isn’t for you, that’s fine! This schedule isn’t for everyone. Besides, if everyone could do it, there wouldn’t be a sense of accomplishment for doing what you think others couldn’t.

Regardless, everyone has their own routines in some shape or form. There are many things I wish I could tell myself to try out, such as pulling an all-nighter for a movie marathon or to sleep in “just for fun,” but that’s not for me. My body is trained at this point to do certain things at specific times, and I’m OK with this! Because I found something that worked for me.

I’m always looking for new things to squeeze into my morning routines or afternoons beyond work. For a better look of how I spend my day, check out my Instagram here.

What do you do to keep yourself busy, but balanced?

Are you a morning person or a night-owl?

Check out how I’ve learned to start implementing my surroundings into my day here.

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Arizona, local, social media, technology

Learning To Exist

I am a very routine person.

Waking up, going to work and coming home is a cycle I try to maintain. In the minuscule pockets of space I have between these things, I try to s q u e e z e in some of my hobbies and favorite indulgences.

But that is exactly my problem.

I have always taken pride in making lists, setting alarms or attending appointments, because that is what an adult does, right? It makes me feel mature, somewhat accomplished to have my own “schedule” and ultimately satisfy my personal need to keep doing something. 

In the job I have, a regular morning is waking up at 4 A.M., surrounding myself with people and caffeine until about noon, and continuing my day at home or just with myself. I work in very unique part of Phoenix, a large community with different shops, artists and entertainment that I have put in my mental notes as Eventual. I am just now realizing that I l i v e in the center of this everyday art, and my experiences rely on my physical drive to go out and do.

Am I the only one that feels this way?

I keep telling myself to set goals to my different niches and I really need to take my own advice. Getting up more and pausing Real Housewives of New York has to be step one.

I have to start screaming internally to myself to be present more. See more. Do more. Be more. I am only now discovering that I am surrounded by the things I mark as “To Do,” and so is everyone else. Teaching ourselves to live a bit more mentally freelance allows us all to live in a creative way, while utilizing what our communities have to offer us.

It is almost obnoxious the amount of detail and creativity around me everyday.

Here are a few times I opened my eyes and captured this summer in a thought to just exist: 

Downtown Phoenix at Hotel San Carlos Instagram: @tonibork
Vintage thrift store Retro Ranch in Phoenix, Arizona; Instagram @tonibork
Strawberry, Arizona; Instagram @tonibork

How do you fit little adventures into your everyday routines?

One thing I did first was assess my wasted time. See what I did here.

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