As long as it is not with yourself, we’re good.

Everyone experiences a falling-out within relationships at some point in time. With friends, boyfriends, girlfriends — even family. Though some relationships are worth salvaging through turbulence, where do we draw the line when these occurrences are too often: to when we start to lose touch within ourselves?

Too frequently, we can overanalyze ourselves whilst in the crossfire of negativity being thrown at us from other people. It is so often, unfortunately, that it changes the entire perspective of an argument and unexpectedly forces us to go through stages of reassessment of other people; and also thrusts us into an epiphany of newfound self-discovery. Though mental and emotional turmoil can feel seemingly unfair and unprecedented when concocted through a once strong relationship, it’s time to embrace the unexpected and start expecting more of others.

Understand early-on if this person is for you or against you. 

But how? Most times when we skin our knees whilst jumping the hurdles staged in paths of relationships, we think about the pain and fall — not the recovery. In time, issues that result in ‘losing touch’ with someone can help us reflect on attitude and behavior from others that the relationship may have led us to be blinded by before. Unfortunately, we don’t care about all this “revelation” crap until it happens. If only we knew when someone was going to let us down, right?

The question still lingers: what makes a person toxic? And more importantly, at what point do we stop blaming ourselves for other people’s shitty behavior and start shedding off the dead, toxic weight that they helped us gain? The scale never lies.*

*(In this sense, at least. Ask me after the months of October-January 1st and I may have to dispute it).

Behavior. 

This is a big one. Do you have that one friend person out of the group that always needs to point out the negativities? The kind of person that strips the surface joy just to dig a little deeper for a good jab? Possibly does it to get a laugh out of others at your expense? Yeah. I know the kind. This was my first experience with immature behavior from ‘friends’. 

Language.

This same person is probably pretending to be your biggest fan. Empty compliments, vague occasional comments on social media pictures and the all-too-familiar “ew, stop!” that they shout when you dare to show the slightest ounce of personality around…certain people. Accompanied by an eye-roll. Which leads me to my final observation of:

Insecurity.

“Arrogance is a hollow confidence”

—Michael J. Formica, Ego, Insecurity, and the Destructive Narcissist

We all have egos; but we can choose what we invest in for reaction. This rational truth’s next-door neighbor is Envy; and it is always peering through the front window, waiting to greet you with tainted baked goods amidst us all being human and conversing with the ‘could-be’s’ and ‘what-if’s’. Still, we need to realize that emotional intelligence and sophistication is not carried by condescending and disparaging people.  

All-in-all, recognizing trivial behavior from the get-go of a new relationship (or amidst a revelation of a current one) can be helpful in rationalizing with a toxic person’s behavior; but not necessarily with them. Though one may have good intentions, where do we begin to differentiate an altruistic act versus an egocentric one? 

When we don’t set healthy boundaries, our self-esteem begins to ebb; but here is our hand: should we sacrifice our own well-being and emotional intelligence in the wake of someone’s arrogance? Or, should we teach ourselves to understand the behaviors and verbal vacancies that interactions with these baneful individuals portray? 

Sound like a lot? I may be examining this too closely, but everyone experiences a falling-out within relationships at some point in time. With friends, boyfriends, girlfriends — even family. Though some relationships are worth salvaging through turbulence, where do we draw the line when these occurrences are too often: to when we start to lose touch within ourselves?

Make the most out of losing touch; you may learn something about yourself through someone else’s insolence. 

What are some things you have learned when dealing with toxic individuals?

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*Cover-art photography provided by Travon Schake, @vibeswithkingt via Instagram.