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Making the Most Out of Losing Touch

As long as it is not with yourself, we’re good.

Everyone experiences a falling-out within relationships at some point in time. With friends, boyfriends, girlfriends — even family. Though some relationships are worth salvaging through turbulence, where do we draw the line when these occurrences are too often: to when we start to lose touch within ourselves?

Too frequently, we can overanalyze ourselves whilst in the crossfire of negativity being thrown at us from other people. It is so often, unfortunately, that it changes the entire perspective of an argument and unexpectedly forces us to go through stages of reassessment of other people; and also thrusts us into an epiphany of newfound self-discovery. Though mental and emotional turmoil can feel seemingly unfair and unprecedented when concocted through a once strong relationship, it’s time to embrace the unexpected and start expecting more of others.

Understand early-on if this person is for you or against you. 

But how? Most times when we skin our knees whilst jumping the hurdles staged in paths of relationships, we think about the pain and fall — not the recovery. In time, issues that result in ‘losing touch’ with someone can help us reflect on attitude and behavior from others that the relationship may have led us to be blinded by before. Unfortunately, we don’t care about all this “revelation” crap until it happens. If only we knew when someone was going to let us down, right?

The question still lingers: what makes a person toxic? And more importantly, at what point do we stop blaming ourselves for other people’s shitty behavior and start shedding off the dead, toxic weight that they helped us gain? The scale never lies.*

*(In this sense, at least. Ask me after the months of October-January 1st and I may have to dispute it).

Behavior. 

This is a big one. Do you have that one friend person out of the group that always needs to point out the negativities? The kind of person that strips the surface joy just to dig a little deeper for a good jab? Possibly does it to get a laugh out of others at your expense? Yeah. I know the kind. This was my first experience with immature behavior from ‘friends’. 

Language.

This same person is probably pretending to be your biggest fan. Empty compliments, vague occasional comments on social media pictures and the all-too-familiar “ew, stop!” that they shout when you dare to show the slightest ounce of personality around…certain people. Accompanied by an eye-roll. Which leads me to my final observation of:

Insecurity.

“Arrogance is a hollow confidence”

Michael J. FormicaEgo, Insecurity, and the Destructive Narcissist

We all have egos; but we can choose what we invest in for reaction. This rational truth’s next-door neighbor is Envy; and it is always peering through the front window, waiting to greet you with tainted baked goods amidst us all being human and conversing with the ‘could-be’s’ and ‘what-if’s’. Still, we need to realize that emotional intelligence and sophistication is not carried by condescending and disparaging people.  

All-in-all, recognizing trivial behavior from the get-go of a new relationship (or amidst a revelation of a current one) can be helpful in rationalizing with a toxic person’s behavior; but not necessarily with them. Though one may have good intentions, where do we begin to differentiate an altruistic act versus an egocentric one? 

When we don’t set healthy boundaries, our self-esteem begins to ebb; but here is our hand: should we sacrifice our own well-being and emotional intelligence in the wake of someone’s arrogance? Or, should we teach ourselves to understand the behaviors and verbal vacancies that interactions with these baneful individuals portray? 

Sound like a lot? I may be examining this too closely, but everyone experiences a falling-out within relationships at some point in time. With friends, boyfriends, girlfriends — even family. Though some relationships are worth salvaging through turbulence, where do we draw the line when these occurrences are too often: to when we start to lose touch within ourselves?

Make the most out of losing touch; you may learn something about yourself through someone else’s insolence. 

What are some things you have learned when dealing with toxic individuals?

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*Cover-art photography provided by Travon Schake, @vibeswithkingt via Instagram.

Finding Your Outlet

It’s been a while.

There are so many things a day involves completing. Whether you stay at home, spend your day at work or run errands all day long, something needs your attention. How can you get this all done in time, while still eating more than just a granola bar and sipping on iced coffee all day, and still somehow get your eight hours of sleep?

*breathes*

Phew. There’s time. There’s somehow always time. We get things done, in our own fashion without the worry of “when” or “how quickly” somehow. In the midst of complaining or mapping out this afternoon’s overwhelmed breakdown–we plan. Planning always seems to calm me down. Having a physical or mental agenda for the day ahead relaxes me. I remember there’s time and to have patience. I’ve scheduled these times for a reason, to prevent that afternoon tantrum.

I’ve just found my outlet: planning.

For others it may be exercise, and some may indulge in nothing. These are the mechanisms we create and enable ourselves to regulate and normalize and create into a routine. What’s yours?

For myself, having a journal or notebook (or seven) calms me. It allows me to strike some kind of creative energy that puts me into that “zen” state–but still allows my mind to think as quickly as my hands and go go go. This rush of artistic adrenaline and short-term creativity only lasts a minute, but that is what I have allowed myself to crave. This is my indulgence; this is my outlet. Subconsciously I planned for this breakdown and knew I would reach that ultimate conclusion of “this is fine, this is good”. I’ve even plotted at what time of the day I would have this epiphany. Call it ‘crazy’, decide it to be ‘wacky’. This is my outlet, and again, what is yours?

A great thing about finding your outlet is that it is keen to you. You allow it to engulf your way of thinking, let it adjust your way of processing the day. For some it can be music, or it can be avoiding to plan anything at all. That is it’s beauty–it morphs and it bends and it shapes into what you can fit it into; more than an idea, or simply just that. It is freedom. It is creative. It is unique. It is indirectly you.


I have been planning things a lot lately. On paper, on calendars and in my thoughts.

I recently have been promoted at work, an escalated position that will trigger and demand this outlet of mine ever so frequently than before. I’ve also been babysitting more, doing favors for regular customers and friends that compensate in exchange for my time. I don’t mind this. Because of finding my outlet and going with it, I have made it part of my process and now allow myself to skip the breakdowns and realizations of time as an essence. I have discovered this: my time isn’t of the essence, rather what I do with it is.

My new position requires me to be more available and more involved in work. Dedicating fifty hours of my time a week to work may seem ridiculous to some–I now see it as another challenge and way to implement my journalistic outlet I have discovered. That is another thing that finding out something new about yourself can bring you; discovery. Lessons. Obstacles that you eventually look forward to. My outlet has now supplemented my adventurous yearning and has been implemented into my day-to-day routines. I have discovered a new way, a new me and a new sense of creativity to put into my functioning.

This is a good discovery. I have learned something new about myself.

What do you implement into your routines to make them unique? See a quick look of my journaling obsession on my Instagram post here

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Learning To Exist

I am a very routine person.

Waking up, going to work and coming home is a cycle I try to maintain. In the minuscule pockets of space I have between these things, I try to s q u e e z e in some of my hobbies and favorite indulgences.

But that is exactly my problem.

I have always taken pride in making lists, setting alarms or attending appointments, because that is what an adult does, right? It makes me feel mature, somewhat accomplished to have my own “schedule” and ultimately satisfy my personal need to keep doing something. 

In the job I have, a regular morning is waking up at 4 A.M., surrounding myself with people and caffeine until about noon, and continuing my day at home or just with myself. I work in very unique part of Phoenix, a large community with different shops, artists and entertainment that I have put in my mental notes as Eventual. I am just now realizing that I l i v e in the center of this everyday art, and my experiences rely on my physical drive to go out and do.

Am I the only one that feels this way?

I keep telling myself to set goals to my different niches and I really need to take my own advice. Getting up more and pausing Real Housewives of New York has to be step one.

I have to start screaming internally to myself to be present more. See more. Do more. Be more. I am only now discovering that I am surrounded by the things I mark as “To Do,” and so is everyone else. Teaching ourselves to live a bit more mentally freelance allows us all to live in a creative way, while utilizing what our communities have to offer us.

It is almost obnoxious the amount of detail and creativity around me everyday.

Here are a few times I opened my eyes and captured this summer in a thought to just exist: 

Downtown Phoenix at Hotel San Carlos Instagram: @tonibork
Vintage thrift store Retro Ranch in Phoenix, Arizona; Instagram @tonibork
Strawberry, Arizona; Instagram @tonibork

How do you fit little adventures into your everyday routines?

One thing I did first was assess my wasted time. See what I did here.

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