I always get in these moods – these creative, spontaneous, melancholy, mad-at-the-world, mad-at-my-body, I-love-my-body kind of moods. Conveniently seasonal, these temporary states of mind really persuade me that this is it — this is my personality now, I embody [insert disposition here].
I can say that this emotional indecisiveness is frustrating, not having a grip of who I am in that moment; but I’ve come to the realization that as easily as moods can change, so can the way we see ourselves — more prominently in those “mad-at-the-world, mad-at-my-body” moments.
The mad-at-my-body, mad-at-the-world kind of moods are the most inconvenient: being too self-conscious, too analytical or not enough of either when you are on your “best behavior,” that behavior of being forcibly aware of what I am consuming or which part of the body I am exercising at that time and DON’T mess up or we will be right back at square one.
Then the reality of this mental tug-of-war hits, the “mad-at-the-world” kind of reality where I am SO pissed that I even have to HAVE this discussion of healthy body-image with myself because SOCIETY is simply UNINHABITABLE under these circumstances; and don’t even get me STARTED on social media standards.
…exhausted yet? Don’t worry, these mood swings frequently occur more than once in a day.
Beyond these stress-induced episodes comes some positive implication that things are great and I am as creative and at peace with myself as ever! Those moods where you post on Instagram a bit extra than usual, or when you boycott social media all together because well, you’re edgy like that now.
Those moods when you read books because you respect literature as an art form and only succumb to stress while in an incense-smoked room; and you may have treated yourself to an extra trip to World Market this month for serenity in the “Italian Soaps” isle.
To me, this is the best seasonal state-of-mind to be in: its typically winter, you only use moisturizers that the LUSH counter girl told you was appropriate for your combination skin; and more beneficially, you care about your skin this month. Life can be calm and less congested when you surround it with lavender and chamomile!
Similar to your oils, the creative moods that are manifested in candle-lit rooms are essential to the next mood shift, the next temporary state of self that you will challenge your body and mind to uphold; but the candle-lit rooms sometimes burn out and leave these creative, spontaneous, melancholy, mad-at-the-world, mad-at-my-body, I-love-my-body kind of stenches behind.
How am I feeling right now, you ask?
All of the above, indecisively.